From the Desk of Our Pastor

Fourteen years ago, when I took my ordination vows to become a minister in the Presbyterian church, I remember being both thrilled and terrified by one vow in particular. It was not first question, affirming the Lordship of Jesus Christ - though in hindsight, perhaps I should have been a bit more intimidated by that one. Nor was it the question on the authority of scripture, or the acceptance of the essential tenets of the Reformed faith. It wasn't even my promise to further the "peace, unity, and purity of the church" that caught my greatest attention. The vow that burned in my heart was this one: "Will you seek to serve the people with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love?"

This vow was thrilling because it seemed to be the one that captured the passion for Christ and the church that was drawing me into pastoral vocation. It was terrifying, because it described the kind of person I yearned to be for God, but was afraid, deep down, that I could never be. Could I keep up with the demands of pastoral ministry? Was I smart enough? Would I be able to lift my eyes above the fray and see a vision of God's future? Was my love genuine love of God and others, or just absorption into my own need for belonging and significance?

As I write these questions in the past tense, I am well aware that they are still profoundly present-tense questions for me. After 14 years of seeking to serve the people of God, I still often wonder if I am really up to the task. I live in the same tension that existed among the disciples on the mountain in Galilee, when Jesus sent them into the world: "They worshiped him, but some doubted." I still feel the burning in my heart to proclaim Christ and to edify and "equip the saints for the work of ministry." But I still know how far short I fall of the requisite qualities for spiritual leadership.

I am all too aware of how the ideal of pastoral ministry can become distorted, and how easy it is for a pastor to become distracted by many things. Healthy energy can degenerate into frenetic activity and workaholism. Intelligence may become narrow, un-self-critical, arrogant, and blind. Imagination can be co-opted by ungodly agendas or infected with cynicism so that only the worst can be imagined, leading to despair. And love - how it can be corrupted! The heart so easily turns in on itself, and begins to see others as a means to help the self, rather than as beloved children of God. Love of God can devolve into the love of what God can do for me. Love of the church can become a holding on to the past, a clinging to structures that are more about safety than about service.

This time of Sabbath, in the midst of my pastoral ministry, is a breathtaking opportunity (literally!). A time to reconnect with the vital fire in my soul that has kindled these past 14 years of service to the church. In these three months of travel, rest, reading, and exploration, I will seek again the Source of my energy, intelligence, imagination and love. I will seek a vision of God's presence and work in the church, in the broadest sense, and particularly through my ministry with you in that part of the body of Christ known as Glenshaw Presbyterian Church.

Like the day I took my ordination vows, looking ahead at the prospect of a lifetime of pastoral ministry, today I am both thrilled and terrified to know what I may learn on sabbatical. I am sure also that the Lord will be teaching you, and growing you, in my absence (a humble reminder for a pastor about what God can accomplish without me around!) Keep your eyes open, to see the face of Christ in your midst. Keep your ears alert, to hear the rustle of the Spirit among you. Keep tasting, feeling, sensing, imagining the presence of God at work in this community of faith. Keep seeking God's kingdom.

I am deeply thankful to you for granting me this time of rest. Your gift is pure grace. I look forward to returning in a few months to share together what we have learned from our time apart. My prayer is that this summer of renewal will kindle a fire of energy, intelligence, imagination, and love - a fire that will burn brightly between us for years to come.

Your servant in Christ,
Rev. Mike